5 Things the Vongola Family Has Never Been
by multiplicities
Summary: An exploration of some alternate versions of the members of the Vongola family. Poor Squalo.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Katekyo Hitman Reborn! is not mine.

* * *

_**Sawada Tsunayoshi**_

1. A Girl

Tsuna sighed wistfully, peering shyly through her bangs at the tall baseball player in her class.

She knew that he'd never look at her. Who would, after all? No one likes Dame-Tsuna.

Yamamoto-kun was popular, good-looking, and smart whenever he studied for tests. Tsuna wasn't as pretty or anything that boys liked. Yamamoto-kun would be much better off with Kyoko-chan. It'd be that perfect match where everyone knows that the two in question are just suited for each other and aren't jealous of the couple at all.

It's not as though Tsuna would ever confess, anyway.

So when the baby who'd came as a tutor to stay at Tsuna's house popped up, she was understandably startled.

"If you have a crush on him, then seduce him. Otherwise, I'll shoot," he threatened, chameleon shifting into a gun in his hand.

Tsuna stared at him, paralyzed. She'd take injury and death over embarrassment any day.

Reborn shot her in the forehead.

Pause.

"Reborn!" Tsuna cried, flames erupting on her head. "I'm going to confess to Yamamoto with my dying will!"

She immediately ran towards Yamamoto, who hadn't seen her coming yet.

"Yamamoto-kun!" Tsuna shouted, tackling him. "I like you!"

Yamamoto Takeshi looked up at the usually petite, quiet girl on top of him, who was certainly not petite or quiet at the moment. He went red then redder as his gaze passed from the weird flame on her forehead to her bra and then her underwear. She had very nice, pale skin and he could feel how soft it was.

Boys who are thin, cowardly, and have scarily big eyes might not be attractive, but girls with those qualities _are_, at least to some people.

"I like you too," Yamamoto answered dazedly, then passed out.

He did not dream of baseball.

* * *

2. Tall

"Pathetic scum."

Xanxus sneered beautifully, just the right mixture of contempt and menace and malice. He looked down at Tsuna, the Varia leader sure that he was dominating the piece of trash.

Or rather, he tried to look down at Tsuna. It failed.

At the tender age of thirteen, Tsuna was already as tall as some basketball players. Those large eyes blinked disingenuously from above Xanxus' head. At least the scum had the grace to look intimidated, though.

Nana swore that it was all due to her homemade chicken and rice.

Privately, Tsuna wished he was shorter. He'd be less noticeable that way. In fact, he had stopped eating chicken and rice for several years now. It hadn't helped.

Xanxus frowned. His servants edged away, recognizing warily that he was in one of those moods when wine bottles flew.

Xanxus kept sneering and took a step up on the stairs. Now he was – still half a head shorter than Tsuna.

He went up another step. Now he was exactly at Tsuna's height, with their eyes meeting on the same level. Tsuna's eyes were tearing up, he noticed to his satisfaction – but he should be taller than that trash to get the proper effect.

Xanxus stopped inching up the stairs and growled. He leapt up onto the ceiling of the building behind him. Finally, the fake scum had to look up at him!

From the shadows, Mukuro watched with a sympathetic wince. He could remember fighting with Tsuna and finding himself in a similar situation when he'd tried to lift Tsunayoshi up and throw him into the wall.

Height is also a weapon, of course. Luckily for Tsuna, he doesn't have to think about using it.

* * *

3. A Vampire

_About three things I was absolutely positive. First, he was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him – and I didn't know how potent that part might be – that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him._

Tsuna seemed cursed to be perpetually hungry.

It had started when he'd been turned by Reborn.

This baby in a suit had strode up to him from on top of a fence on day and told him, "I will make you into the tenth vampire king of the Vongola."

Tsuna had protested vigorously. Then the baby bit him on the neck.

Tsuna had fainted, all that blood he could see pouring from his own neck far too much for his delicate sensibilities.

The next time he'd woken up, he was a vampire.

He was not a great vampire. He couldn't even be said to be a mediocre vampire.

Tsuna was, in fact, a failure as a vampire. He had cut his lip with his own teeth once and he'd had a number of close calls concerning his teeth and his tongue.

Even worse, Tsuna couldn't feed on human blood. The closest he had gotten to it was buying some raw meat and draining the blood from it. He'd blacked out at least once during the process.

Tsuna had combined the blood with ingredients for a smoothie. He'd still thrown up afterwards.

Due to his inability to drink blood properly, Tsuna had found himself desperately in need of blood.

"Go out into the world, Dame-Tsuna, and get your own blood," Reborn told him. "Otherwise, I'll kill you for good."

Tsuna had obeyed and decided to snack on the first person he saw. This seemed a good candidate, healthy-looking though with pale skin. The human also possessed ink black hair and ice blue eyes.

Tsuna had tried to jump on him, as Reborn had taught him, so he could pin the victim's limbs down while drinking from his neck.

He pounced, opened his mouth – and his teeth became acquainted with the iron taste of a tonfa.

"Were you trying to attack me, herbivore?" the man he'd soon recognize as Hibari Kyoya asked him, mouth quirking up in a feral grin. "I'll bite you to death."

In about two seconds, Tsuna's intended victim for his first foray out into the human world promptly bit Tsuna to death. It hurt a lot.

* * *

4. Married

Haru was sobbing softly at the front of the seats.

Her Tsuna was getting married. It wasn't to her. It wasn't even to Kyoko-chan. Instead, it was to that other girl, one of his guardians, Chrome Dokuro.

How dare that girl marry her Tsuna! Haru would definitely steal him back with her dying will! She would definitely be the wife of a mafia boss. Definitely! Ha-hi!

Well, she'd do something like that. Or maybe her Tsuna would realize that it was actually Haru that he loved.

Haru perked up. She turned her head to smile in Tsuna's direction in case he was looking. Unfortunately, that was the moment he pulled Chrome's veil back and pressed a shy kiss to one side of her mouth.

Haru broke into a wailing frenzy again. Kyoko-chan gave her a concerned look, patting her hand gently.

"It's okay, Haru-chan," she said softly. "Tsuna-kun still really cares about you, you know."

"Ha-hi!" Haru coughed, struggling to express all her feelings of indignation and pain in words. Kyoko-chan offered her a handkerchief.

Being involved in blowing her nose in the handkerchief and mopping up her eyes, Haru was almost quiet for the first time since attending the wedding and she heard the sound of someone else who seemed as much in pain as she was.

She looked on her left. Naturally, she saw Gokudera, also crying into the tablecloth.

"Why are _you_ crying?" she demanded.

"Shut up," he snapped back, intimidation only slightly marred by the tears dripping down his face.

"You're jealous!" Haru squealed, immediately making the connection. Obviously, Gokudera was in love with Chrome. That meant that once Tsuna realized that he did not love Chrome Dokuro, then Gokudera could marry her and Haru would marry Tsuna. It was perfect!

She got an incredulous stare, then a muffled "no" from Gokudera, who had elected to bury his head back into the table.

"I don't believe you! What do you think when you imagine my Tsuna and Chrome together on their honeymoon?" Haru asked, trying to make Gokudera admit that he was crushed at such a prospect.

Gokudera wailed and ran out of the room, furiously scrubbing at his eyes. Most of the other guests, especially Mukuro who was possessing some poor nameless idiot's body for the duration of the wedding and other… activities, looked amused. Others, like Bel, cackled out loud.

"But…" Haru remarked slowly, needing to work out her thoughts out loud, "Who's going to be on top?"

* * *

5. Dead

The Vongola Decimo, feared leader of one of the greatest criminal organizations in the world, floated serenely in nothingness.

He laughed exultantly, without either mouth or throat to do so physically.

He was finally free from all his scary guardians and enemies.

He would never find himself embarrassed in front of all his classmates and anyone else he knew again.

In other words, he was free from Reborn.

Though, there was Kyoko-chan... who would never look at him anyway. He was probably better off dead.

Finally, Tsuna could just be himself and stop worrying about people trying to kill him or do other horrible things to him.

He could rest…

Then Tsuna found himself inexorably being pulled back.

"No! Let me die!" he pleaded with a higher deity, otherwise known as Reborn.

His mind raced furiously as he tried to think of any regrets that he'd had when Reborn shot him.

Oh, yeah… he'd wanted to buy better-looking boxers.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Superbi Squalo**_

1. Bald

"VOOOOOIIIII!" Superbi Squalo bellowed into the glum silence of the Varia assassination squad.

Those scum were letting the temporary… absence of their leader discourage them! They should be plotting to get him out of that prison, not moping like stupid widows!

Squalo resolved that he would take on the task of cheering up the rest of them. After all, _he_ was the temporary leader for now.

"Do you have to be so loud?" Mammon whined. Squalo had the sneaking suspicion that Mammon had been dozing off beneath his hood – stupid trash, this was why he had to be loud!

"What is it, Squalo-dear~?" Lussuria cooed.

Squalo shivered for a second, uncontrollably. He decided to pass it off as a twitch, glaring at the stupid prince when he looked like he was about to comment.

Not like Bel enjoyed being subject to Lussuria's attentions, either.

"VOOOOOIIIII!" Squalo roared again, just in case anyone hadn't been paying attention the first time.

"If you want to say something, just say it, shark-boy," Bel snickered.

Levi glared, reaching for one parasol – what sort of idiot pansy used parasols, anyway? Squalo ignored him. He'd be able to skewer Levi like a pig before the scum could lay a hand on him.

Because he was the Sword Emperor, dammit! There was no way _Levi_ could take him down.

"Until we break Xanxus out and make him into the next Vongola big-wig, I won't cut my hair at all!" Squalo proclaimed. That was just the kind of encouragement those scum needed to get pumped up.

And then they could fight to get Xanxus back into his rightful place!

The reactions weren't quite as Squalo expected.

"But Squalo, dear~," Lussuria said, looking agonized, "You'll get split hairs that way!"

"Ushishishi…" Bel just had say something, didn't he? "Then when Xanxus gets back, you can keep house for him. Just like a real housewife, just a little uglier."

"You're just looking for an excuse to grow long hair, aren't you?" Mammon deadpanned.

Levi grunted, looking disparagingly at Squalo's already rather long tresses.

"Fine!" Squalo yelled, grabbing a razor. Weapons were scattered all over the hideout, after all.

He shaved off all his hair in brisk, sure strokes. Right now, Squalo was too angry to think about what this had done to his formerly beautiful silver hair.

"VOOOOOIIIII! Until Xanxus becomes leader of the Vongola, I won't let my hair grow!"

* * *

2. A Wizard

"What the hell is up with these birds?"

Squalo chopped down a few more owls. A bullet blasted past him to slam into another owl.

"Watch it!" Squalo yelped, the bullet having gone within inches of his ear. He advanced onto Xanxus, who just threw another wine glass at him.

It just made his mood worse. Stupid birds smelled bad, too.

Maybe Lussuria could cook something out of them later. After they burned up those stupid letters, of course.

"What the hell – I can't read English, you idiots!" Squalo exploded, recognizing just enough to understand his name on the envelope.

"Superbi Squalo – can't you even recognize your own name, stupid shark? – The Third-Biggest Bedroom – ushishishi – Hidden Varia Squad Base, Italy."

"Third-biggest bedroom?" Squalo exploded. "You told me it was the second-biggest one, stupid boss!"

Xanxus tossed off a swig. "I lied."

"Want me to burn them, Bel-senpai?" Fran asked without a single change in expression as he hauled a bunch of owls up by their legs and tossed them out the window. He didn't even flinch as the window glass shattered.

"Shut up, Froggy, this is just getting good," Belphegor ordered, scanning one of the letters rapidly. "You've been invited to go to a school and be a wizard, sharkie! And you're supposed to buy a pointy hat and everything!"

"Go to school? VOOOOOIIIII, do I look like some snot-nosed brat?" Squalo roared.

"As a matter of fact, you are required to attend by wizarding law, Mr. Superbi."

In a dazzling display of lights and sounds, a stranger had appeared in their midst. Xanxus wasn't impressed, cocking his gun at the white-haired, robe-wearing trespasser. What idiot would appear so conspicuously, anyway? Squalo stared, jaw slack at being called Mr. Superbi.

"How did you get in here?" Levi asked threateningly.

"I became aware of the difficulty in getting Mr. Superbi to read a letter and came to make sure that he is not in any duress," the old man replied placidly, gazing disapprovingly at the mess of dead birds around him.

"Duress," repeated Bel, laughing creepily.

"You don't want your other students around me," Squalo smirked, trying to intimidate the wizard.

"Perhaps not, but you see, I have no choice," he said. What was up with that annoying twinkle? "I have not yet had the pleasure of introducing myself. I am Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts."

"And, Mr. Superbi, I am also your father."

Prudently, Squalo immediately went for his sword. He refused to believe that he'd ever look like _that_.

* * *

3. A Baseball Player

Yamamoto Takeshi's best friend was Superbi Squalo.

It seemed like a weird relationship to everyone else, but it made perfect sense to Yamamoto.

Sure, Squalo was a bit rude and more than a little violent-prone, while Yamamoto was popular and kind and an all-around nice boy.

But hey, they were both athletic, capable of getting high scores when they put the effort into it – which wasn't all that often for Squalo, and most importantly – they were both devoted to baseball.

Even if Squalo tended to threaten to eviscerate him in his sleep with the same regularity that he played baseball.

So Yamamoto was understandably surprised when his best friend proclaimed his intentions to become the next Sword Emperor.

"What's a sword emperor, anyway?" Yamamoto asked, his easygoing smile playing on his lips.

"It's the title given to the best emperor in the world! And once I get rid of Tyr, I'll get his title!"

"Best of luck to you, then!" Yamamoto said, though he still wasn't sure what this was all about.

As far as he knew, Squalo had never been able to use a sword. Oh, well… maybe it was some kid's game that Squalo was playing.

"Hey, why don't we both become this… sword emperor thing?" he suggested, brightening up. "It'll be fun!"

"You idiot!" Squalo screamed. "There's only one Sword Emperor at one time. You have to kill the last one to become the next Sword Emperor!"

"You don't have to be greedy about it," Yamamoto pouted.

"You can challenge me after I become Sword Emperor," Squalo said generously. "I'll kill you, of course."

Yamamoto smiled back innocently at Squalo's predatory grin.

"First of all, I need to cut my hand off!"

"Huh?"

"Because Tyr has only one hand, so I want to know what it's like," he explained.

"Oh, I get it!" Yamamoto laughed.

Squalo brought the baseball bat up then swung it down precisely onto his wrist. From the sound of it, his wrist was broken and the limb was starting to turn a beautiful black and blue.

"You're so passionate about your sword emperor game! But wouldn't it be easier to use a kitchen knife?"

"Of course not! I have to use my primary weapon to cut it off!"

He swung the bat again, wincing when it hit and his hand still didn't look like it was in danger of falling off.

"But that's just a little detail, isn't it?" Yamamoto protested, wincing. That _had_ to be painful. "Besides, how are you planning to play baseball like that?"

"I'll just tie the bat to my arm or something," Squalo said casually.

He tried again. No one could fault Squalo's determination.

"Oh, fine, run off and fetch a knife already."

* * *

4. Allergic to Leather

"Wow, you look horrible!" Dino chirped.

Romario had fished poor Squalo out of the lake, looking more than half-drowned.

Squalo glared. A piece of piscine flesh hung over his eyes. However, Squalo couldn't move even a muscle to brush it off.

"The fish part adds a nice touch, though," Dino pointed out thoughtfully.

"Shut up, Bucking Horse," Squalo said rudely.

"Is that the thanks I get for saving your life?"

"You want thanks? Wait till I'm better, then I'll fight you all you want!"

"No, thanks. Here, get his clothes off, Romario."

"What the hell-?" Squalo began.

"Don't worry, we just want to see the extent of your damage," Dino reassured him. "I wouldn't violate you while you're hurt, Squalo-kun."

"V-violate me? VOI, you piece of trash-!"

Romario pulled off Squalo's clothes leaving a blanket on top of him for the sake of his virtue. He tossed on a roll of bandage, as well.

"Whoa, what's that rash?"

Squalo pressed his lips together tightly, refusing to answer.

"Romario?"

"It looks like an allergic reaction to something, boss."

"But it has the same shape as his coat…"

Dino almost felt the proverbial light bulb light up over his head.

"So that's it! You're so attached to your leather; you can't let it go even if it hurts you? Squalo, you're-"

"I. Will. Kill. You. Ifyoufinishthatsentence."

There was a pause as the Cavallone worked on bandaging up Squalo's injuries.

Then…

"You know, there's this silk kimono of mine that might look good on you…"

* * *

5. Mute

"You're stupid, stupid shark," Bel's dulcet tones drifted across the room. It was usually the quietest room in the whole place.

Squalo hissed through his teeth and brought his hand across his throat.

"You can't even talk, stupid shark."

Squalo pounded his fist into the wall, resulting in the wall collapsing.

"Idiot, idiot, moron, moron, Squalo, Squalo," Bel sang, secure in the knowledge that he could say anything he wanted and Squalo could never respond in kind.

Squalo headed for him, sword out to make Bel suffer.

"Is that the best you can do?" Bel taunted, skipping out of the way of the blade.

Squalo, still unable to hit him, felt a vein in his head explode.

If it's possible to die of pure rage…

* * *

**A/N: **All right, maybe I just wanted to curse. Anyway, Squalo's so much easier to parody than a lot of other characters. Speaking of which, I think I'll do Hibari next.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Hibari Kyoya_**

1. Butler

Dino squirmed as his butler shook out an embroidered napkin over his lap.

Romario tensed beside him, but when no sharp shiny objects fell on a sensitive portion of the Bucking Horse's anatomy, both of them relaxed.

Slightly.

As the butler stalked out of the room, Romario said, "Shall I put an advertisement in for a new butler, boss?"

"No," Dino whispered miserably, hoping that Hibari wouldn't traumatize any servants this time. The fact that all his servants were mafioso and Hibari wasn't did nothing to ease his nerves.

Then the butler entered the room, carrying the silverware, and both tensed again.

Giving his nominal employer a glacial look, the butler laid each fork, spoon, and knife precisely in its place.

Dino let out a deep breath.

"Soup and salad or rice and tea, sir?" Hibari asked, looking down at Dino condescendingly.

"Salad, please," Dino squeaked.

"I'd recommend the green tea." Somehow, it didn't sound as though Dino had a choice in the matter. He chuckled nervously and agreed to rice with tea.

"Romario, have an ambulance on speed-dial. Just in case," Dino ordered as Hibari swept out.

"I doubt he would poison you, sir," Romario commented, but he still dug out his phone.

Dino complimented the look of the rice as he took one mouthful – and choked.

"It's okay, Romario," he wheezed, coughing. "Hibari, is my chef –?"

"He's indisposed today, Cavallone. However, Poison Scorpion Bianchi volunteered to cook today in his place."

"Ah," Dino managed. Well, at least his butler wasn't the one poisoning him. He'd simply gotten a professional to do it instead.

He looked morosely at the tea, contemplating the edibility of the other dishes, the likelihood of Hibari beating him up should he not eat, the mysteries of the universe…

"Sir?"

"Yes, Romario?"

"Might I suggest that next time you prioritize your weekly spars with Hibari-san over the annual convention of the famiglias?"

Dino considered it. Perhaps – or he could just take his butler along and let him loose. At least that way, he wouldn't be the one getting beaten up.

* * *

2. Skylark

"Can't you control your pet, trash?" Xanxus inquired sarcastically.

"Hibari-san, please stop," Tsuna pleaded quietly.

The small bird, the Vongola's official bird as of the Vongola Decimo's reign, pecked him in several choice places for daring to give _him_ orders.

"Ow!" Tsuna held up his hands to protect his face, the skylark ignoring all attempts and growing more vicious. "No – don't throw any dynamite, Gokudera!"

Gokudera reluctantly put away his ammunition, much to Tsuna's relief. In addition to the bandages wrapped around his arm, torso, legs, and pretty much every other part of his body, he already had too many burn marks.

He wasn't in the mood to listen to Gokudera's frantic apologies while immobilized in the burn unit, either.

"Pathetic. Trash can't even keep his own pet from biting him," Xanxus snorted. "And you want to be heir?"

"You mean pecking right, boss?" Fran said in a monotone. "Birds can't bite." He only narrowly dodged the first wine glass while the next one ended up embedded in his back.

"Froggy's right, for once in his life." Bel chimed in gleefully. "Biting's for sharks."

"VOI! Are you calling me a pet?"

The two descended into an all-out brawl, Fran only making things worse from the sidelines. He still hadn't done anything about the glass in his back.

"Should we be doing something?" Tsuna mused idly, refusing to participate in the bet pool Lussuria was conducting.

"Looks like this meeting will be just like the seventy-nine other ones we've had with the Varia!" Yamamoto declared brightly.

"That's what I'm afraid of…" Hibari pecked Tsuna on the ear, as if to goad him into fighting. Sometimes Tsuna thought Hibari should have the position of mafia boss instead of him.

"And that's why the official animal of the Vongola famiglia should be the shark!"

"The liger, stupid trash."

"The prince votes for the weasel!"

"Something besides that stupid bird," Xanxus conceded.

Tsuna could swear he heard something snap. Hibari took off with a beat of dark feathers and _attacked_.

"Vongola brat! GET YOUR BIRD OFF!"

"You're getting beaten up by a ten-inch skylark, second-in-command." Fran paused. "Ex-second-in-command."

Tsuna dragged the rest of his Guardians out before anything hit them. There was a reason why he'd made Hibari his Cloud Guardian. Maybe people wouldn't laugh at his choice from now on.

* * *

3. Transvestite

The man trembled and pleaded under Hibari's – or rather, Hikari's – stocking-clad, stiletto-heeled feet.

"Herbivores should be bitten to death," Hibari stated.

The man took the time to shiver at the sound of that smoky, dark voice.

"Well?" Hibari/Hikari sounded impatient as he/she ground the man's head further into the pavement.

"Y-yes, mistress! I should be bitten to death for existing!"

"What's the fun in beating up someone who's begging for it?" Hibari asked rhetorically then shrugged.

"Oh, well."

The just beaten up man kneeled in front of Hibari, alternately thanking him and moaning.

"The money," Hibari demanded impatiently.

"Of course, I have it all here! Thank you, Hikari-sama!"

Hibari picked up the suitcase and left the area, counting the bills. Another contribution for Namimori, which – he scowled – it sorely needed after that herbivore's last battle.

He'd make Sawada Tsunayoshi pay, of course.

…Perhaps sooner than he'd thought, judging from the four people walking towards him.

"Hibari! What are _you_ do-doing…" Gokudera's voice trailed off as he noticed the crimson Chinese-style dress the prefect appeared to be wearing.

"Lambo-san has better clothes than that! Look!" No one paid any attention as Lambo twirled on Tsuna's shoulder. He pouted, mumbling to-ler-ate under his breath.

"Hibari-san?" Tsuna squeaked. Though, he looked incredibly good in those – no! Tsuna shook his head, determined to get those thoughts out of his head.

Then someone's hand covered his eyes. "I won't allow you to taint the Tenth's eyes with your decadence, Hibari!" Gokudera shouted shakily. "I will preserve his innocence at all costs!

"Haha, I didn't know Hibari had a twin sister!"

"Huh?"

Tsuna peeled Hibari's hand off, ignoring Gokudera's fluttering. Were those breasts? And very nice ones, by the look of – no! Bad thought!

"You're crowding," Hibari stated coolly. Come to think of it, he still hadn't punished them for breaking the rules, had he? "_I'll bite you to death._"

"Wow, Hibari's twin sister! You sound just like him," Yamamoto laughed as he dodged the tonfas – where did she just pull them from? "You fight just like him, too! This is fun! But you know, girls shouldn't say things like 'I'll bite you to death.' It's not very ladylike."

All this was said completely seriously.

He was knocked out via tonfas in less than three seconds.

"Lambo-san will protect dame-Tsuna!" the baby shrieked. Hibari changed course. This herbivore was currently much more annoying.

Before he could touch the baby, though, Lambo pointed a bazooka at himself and pulled.

Hibari found himself on the ground with a boy about the same age crouched over him, one hand between his legs and the other resting on his shoulder.

"Lambo, run!" Tsuna called, though it didn't require hyper intuition to realize how bad this situation was. "That's Hibari-san's sister!"

"Sister?" Ten-year-older Lambo held the hand that had been between Hibari's legs as far away from himself as possible, face going between white and red so quickly Tsuna was worried he'd have an apoplexy. "This isn't a girl, young Vongola."

"What?"

Hibari was off the ground in a flash. Before they could question him further, he'd bitten Sawada Tsunayoshi and his puppy to the point of expiration, as well as Lambo.

Just for good measure, he decided to beat up the younger Lambo, too.

* * *

4. Robot

Spanner stuck a tomato-flavored lollipop into his mouth, biting down thoughtfully.

Shoichi stood next to him. Stared.

"What's this?" his voice a little weak as he asked.

"iMosca 1.0," Spanner chewed on his lollipop. "Want to try it out?"

"Not really," Shoichi reached out a finger to touch the reinforced glass blocking it from them. "Whoa!"

Blue-gray eyes snapped open, regarding him rather coldly, even for a robot, Shoichi thought.

"It activates at sounds even below an average human's absolute threshold of hearing!" Spanner announced excitedly. "I haven't tested it out yet, but a leaf falling within ten feet will let it snap to full consciousness!"

"Incredible," Shoichi mumbled. "What about sight?"

"Its dynamic visual acuity is off the charts!" Spanner babbled.

"Details?" Shoichi asked pointedly, shifting his body from side to side. A pointy thing attached to… a chain whirled past his head. It was attached to a blunt object on the side of the iMosca's arm. There was now a hole in the glass.

"Any sudden movements and it'll attack immediately!" Spanner chattered on. "Just like any natural predator, except _better_."

"Huh." Shoichi was standing as still as possible.

"It's also monstrously strong – stronger than all my Mosca versions to date! In fact, I'd say that it's a great deal stronger than most people enhanced with box weapons."

"Fascinating," Shoichi said while the robot smashed one arm into the glass, the inches-thick glass splintering.

Shattering.

"As you can see, it's stronger than our glass! It can even get through the metal walls if it wants!" Spanner looked exuberant at this, his greatest creation to date.

"Shoichi-san. Have you ever heard of Dr. Frankenstein and his monster?"

"Yes, what about them? I've never read the book, just watched the movie." He looked a bit puzzled at getting derailed from his prize project.

"Never mind. I have… something I need to do," Shoichi called out, power-walking out the door.

"Oh, wait! Did I mention that it's fast, too? It can cover ten meters before you can blink!" Except Shoichi was gone. "Oh, well. I guess it's just you and me, iMosca Hibari!"

* * *

5. Father

"You will become a prefect." Hibari, dressed in a spotless yukata, intoned.

"Yes, father." The girl blinked solemn black eyes up at him. One day, her classmates would look at those eyes and think of hell's endless black holes.

"You will become head prefect."

"Yes, father." Her hand itched to tug at her pigtails, but she restrained herself. She would show perfect self-control to her father, no matter what.

"You will punish all who dare desecrate Namimori's rules." He took a sip of tea, still staring solemnly at her.

"Yes, father."

"You will not allow anyone to crowd around or make undue noise."

"Yes, father."

He took another sip of tea, still watching her sternly. She resisted the urge to fidget, determined to show him that she had every intention to follow in her father's great footsteps.

"Finally, you will bite to death anyone with the surname Sawada."

Short pause.

"Yes, father," Hibari's daughter answered, making a silent apology to her future boss. She had prior commitments, after all. Besides, she couldn't wait to fight him again. He made her feel… excited.

* * *

**A/N:** Wow, it's been a while! I'm sorry for not updating sooner. Hm, I feel like Hibari's tone is a bit darker than Tsuna's or Squalo's. I wonder why?


End file.
